Family

My babys fathers girlfriend cut my daughters hair.  I am hurt and angry about this.   What gives her the right to do that without consulting me?  My daughter is only 4 yrs old.  Growing her hair has been a real task because it grows so slowly.  And now, this stranger who has no connection what-so-ever, except that she sleeps with my daughters father, feels like she can just go ahead and cut her hair? WTF!!  Okay.  I’ll calm down and examine what’s really happened here.

In the time period of a regular month.. my daughter sees her father for a total of 4 days, 2 nights.  He makes no decisions about her daily life.  He is not there when she gets sick.  He doesn’t take her to ballet.  He doesn’t take her to gym tumblers.  He doesn’t get the bills or daily notices from kohanga or from the hospital for her reflux condition.  However, he is generous paying maintenance.  

I am her mother.  I take care of her day to day care.  I dress and bathe her everyday.  I clean up her toys and other child messes everyday. I buy her clothes, I send her to kohanga with  lunch and extra clothing to play in.  I take her to the dr when she gets sick.  I buy the medicine that makes her well.  I email him about her medical conditions and dr visits so he knows what is going on with her.  I prepare her daily meals.  I organise play dates for her.  I am her taxi to all events.  I ASK her father to take her for a holiday for a week so she gets some quality time with him.  Given all this, I would think that I have a right to be asked before anyone decides to alter the appearance of my child in anyway.  Yes? 

Perhaps I am wrong.  Perhaps paying extra money buys you all the rights that I lovingly work daily to achieve.   Perhaps I am being  “employed” to take care of her like a Nanny and shut my mouth when anyone her father hangs out with decides to mess with her?  Is that how it is?

Man.  I make no secret to him how I feel about his partner.  I think it’s really shitty how he ditched us on so many occassions so he could be with her.  Regardless of how I feel about HER.  I have bit the bullet and worked hard to keep a relationship open between my daughter and her father.   Including asking him to have her for a weeks holiday to bring some quality time into their relationship.  

My efforts are rewarded with the utmost disrespect for the role I play in our daughters life.   I have helped our daughter fill numerous occcassion cards saying ” I love you Daddy.”   This has never been reciprocated.  He once sent me an email that said “..I know you are a good person.”  An icy compliment more suited to a work colleague.   Is it any wonder then that me and other women like me, grow in resentment and venom and relationships such as ours become extremely volatile ending with a court date and the decision of raising a child decided by the governing law of the day?

In my opinion, a few snips of hair is not worth initiating the legal process .. however, her father, who knew this act would hurt me, has openly challenged my role in our daughters life.   And I am left to consider he thinks that cutting her hair is worth courting pain and anger…. and a day in court.

Tonguetiger

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous.  It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”  ~Elizabeth Stone